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Cornwall-land Independent Air Force

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It's 2024 and Cornwall-land gains autonomy from the civilised remainder of the British Isles. The Royal Navy has been withdrawn from Culdrose amid angry protesters hurling abuse, pasties and turnips at the last convoy to leave. The decision was made by the newly appointed internal government to establish its own armed forces. Trawlers wereto be painted grey and armed with slings able to hurl a medium sized haddock over 100yds., the army were to have all tractors painted green and infantry were to be issued with newly crafted steel tipped pitchforks. But the most advanced thinking led to a gathering of dinner ladies, cauliflower pickers and farriers to construct a 'Flying Machine capable of deterring the tourists. It must be capable of keeping up with slow moving traffic twixt Carland Cross roundabout and Chiverton roundabout. A primary weapon system to be fitted in the form of a spoon like protuberance capable of scooping up any jam placed on top of cream and an engine of the internal combustion variety so often seen across The Tamar.'

Behold, the latest weapon against cream tea crime!


Any colour you want so long as its brown. Note jam scoop weapon top left beneath the fuselage.


Instructions in English. No doubt confusing the locals.


Pictures so as to avoid the language barriers.


Ha, bet the locals weren't expecting that!


Edited by skwonk
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On 20/06/2022 at 01:34, Jessie_C said:

BTW, this kit was re-released not all that long ago by Lindberg.

Pyro also did it.

Anyway, a bit of progress in the workshops of darkest Perranzubaloe some miles from here.

A rather fine linen texture from the carefully sewn together shepherds' smocks.


The finest marine ply salvaged from the Helford. 


The airscrew carved from a single rafter in a nearby derelict cowshed.


The engine taking shape; Slightly more power than the average wheelbarrow.


The kit seat and a replacement. The latter adapted from a comfy chair in the snug of the 'Black Swan' in Gweek (yes, Gweek and not Greek). Also slightly smaller thus preventing any patrons of fast food outlets and Asda from fitting in it.


Edited by skwonk
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On 20/06/2022 at 01:19, Jessie_C said:



That's all wrong,here's the Cornwall-Land airforce preparing for take off but having problems with some of the tourists


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3 minutes ago, dixieflyer said:

I love that old movie. 

A long time a go in a galaxy far,far away,Skwonk was known as "Darby"and his avatar pic.was Gerte Frobe as

Colonel von Holstein in that film,hence the reference y'see Warren..........

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36 minutes ago, Miggers said:

A long time a go in a galaxy far,far away,Skwonk was known as "Darby"and his avatar pic.was Gerte Frobe as

Colonel von Holstein in that film,hence the reference y'see Warren..........

Ahhhhh . . . .I see now . . . . 

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Now that we have the movie drift over and done with here's a little progress.

The engine; many were the cricket grounds scoured on the Lizard Peninsula to assemble enough lawnmower parts to produce a powerful beastie of an engine.



Marine ply dried in the one day of sunshine we get in Cornwall-land in summer. It's a base of Revell khakibrun over painted with a streaky brush of Raw Sienna oil. Now have to wait a few days for it do dry. Leaving the paint on thick cardboard for a while before using it helps remove a fair bit of the oil thus a quicker drying time.


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22 hours ago, RWG686 said:

That engine looks very smart. (and so does the wooden bit)

Couldn't you find a use for the rest of the mower seen here on the Lizard pitch ?

That's where most of the parts came from.

Anyway, swerving around another potential drift.

A black base applied to some bits. The moulded on tank straps have been replaced with Snake belts hooked together. The steering wheel donated from a ride at Flambards Theme Park in Helston which boasts on the billboards as 'The best day of the week.' Well, I suppose it is if you're into rotating tea cup rides and lifeless mannequins. The latter could be the locals though.


Sheep wee stained shepherds' smocks. A first layer of Citadel Morghast Bone is the nearest colour to it applied with a big hairy stick, or it may have been a witch's broom purloined from a cottage in Buryan. I'm not loading the airbrush up for these.


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1 hour ago, Blue Noser said:

 I'm intrigued at what parts are coming from Pool Market

Fleas and scabies. Only went there once and made sure I scrubbed myself in carbolic afterwards.

The last piece of marine ply in place. Stolen from a daring yachty type who dared to anchor off Mylor.


The final sewing of smocks. Notice awkward sink mark. This will no doubt be lauded as something circular by the populace akin to The Merry Maidens standing stones and therefore danced around at Midsummer's Eve whilst goats and ruminants are protestingly interfered with.


Many were the shepherds' smocks sacrificed. The last one coming from an elderly mangle wurzel farmer from Zennor.


Woody bits in progress. These were donated after a year long fund raising campaign by Wendron parish council. It managed to raise 62p in total.


Leaky fuel tanks nicked from an oil heated cottage outside of Praze-an-Beeble.


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Aye, ye'll need some form ae defence Laddie, as the newly independent Republic o' The Kingdom Ae Fife (2024) Limited hass declared a state of slight irritation on Cornwallia for daring to put the cream first on to oor very ain Scone (© United Free Perthshire Empire), or to put it another way, the jam first. Henceforth should ony or baith ae the sodjers o' Cornwallia daur tae set fit ower the boarder, Smoked Nut Crumble will no' just be a popular Fife delicacy.

Aye, let that be a warning tae ye, fur are we no just assemblyin' oor ain Airf Arce - sorry that should be Err Farce - tae tak ye oan, so we ur.

Oor small dedicated team o' injunears (I think that should be 'dedicated team o' small injunears') Hamish, Angus and Ken, ken, and are right on tae it the noo, as fair weel ye ken, och aye.

(translations are available into 'Moyluvvirrr', the naive Cornwalia patois via Googledegook Translation Service)



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7 hours ago, Mish said:

I always thought Cornwall land was independent.

It is; of normal Darwinian evolution.

Fence posts stolen from a chicken run on the outskirts of Boskenwyn.


The engine; secretly transported by bullock cart in the dead of night from St. Just to be mounted in a remote location in the vicinity of Botallack.


A meeting was held in Ventongimps (yes, there is such a place) long into the night and eventually a safety concession was allowed; a seat belt. Another meeting will be held to decide which one.


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A device from shielding the effects of wind in order not to have one's fleas and ticks blown away. That was the brief so a band of ne'er do wells stole, yes stole the door from an unsuspecting owner of a Morris Marina and created a metallic shield capable of such properties. There were some however who argued against this as it didn't contain tin from South Crofty mine.

Such were the gasps of astonishment at finding something solid yet transparent that it was deemed as sorcery. Said parts were hastily taken to a certain Scrungy Ragbeard, a soothsayer and mystic living in the wilds of Zennor Moor who deemed it was indeed sorcery and suggested an alternative in the form of a more traditional method of rotating apparatus and that such lightness could only be found across the border. Henceforth a skulking band of 'run-the-hedges' tramped day and night to procure by stealth and hollowed out turnip with candle as a guiding light a set of wheels from a place known as Old Warden airfield.


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