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Gorby

A tiny chunk of World War One – Now in glorious Bizarreovision! Jehlik's ridiculous roller – It's ALIVE!!!!

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In your, frankly disappointing universe, Jehlik's armoured vehicle didn't progress any further than the filing cabinets of the US patent office, but in mine it went on to a gloriously disastrous career. Why limit yourself to this pretty uninspiring reality when a quick browse through other more interesting alternatives, is significantly more entertaining.

It's generally considered that the Americans were supposed to join the WWI party in 1917. However, in 1915 they got themselves a brand new toy and couldn't wait to play with it. The original idea was for the roller-beast to be built in vast numbers in a shipyard on England’s south coast, before the British government tactfully declined, stating “There's no ******* way we want to be involved with such a studi...”, well... the details aren’t important. The contract went to a ship yard near Boston who built eleven metal monsters before they ran out of steel.

The machines went through exhaustive testing to see what they could achieve, and isn't it remarkable how fast a nations jubilation can turn to despair – squashing the marching band during the military parade can sometimes do that. With great fanfare the army held a service-wide competition to pick the crew, and the losers started their training soon afterwards. Jehlik became a national hero… briefly, before changing his name and seeking asylum in Andorra where he lived out the remainder of his days breeding with sheep, sorry I mean breeding sheep.

After six of them ended up keeping the Titanic company on the bottom of the Atlantic, the remaining five machines trundled ashore in France. The initial surge of joy from the French was soon extinguished after the fourth village was reduced to rubble. Their début on the battlefield would have been a great success, but as the existence of the roller beast was difficult to hide, those cowardly Bosch had dug a long pit in front of their trenches which caused the first four behemoths to get their silly rear castors stuck. How unsporting is that? The Americans wrote a very strongly worded letter to the kaiser saying it really wasn't fair as they were looking forward to a damn good squishing. To show the strength of their feeling they even omitted the kisses from the end 💋. The kaiser missed the post that day as he was at the bingo.

Here we see the sole survivor, number 7 which also had the official name 'USLS (United Sates Land Ship) Friendly Fire' which became the only one to engage the enemy. Enabling the American to successfully take the German trench after finding the occupants helpless with laughter after seeing the roller-beast get stuck on a tiny muddy mound. The ref later ruled the American move to be off-side and they had to go back to their own hole in the ground, leaving the score nil-nil.

And so Jehlik's monster was edited out of history by an embarrassed nation. :sad:

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Aaannnyyyway… This took about six months in total. I hope you like it.

If you want to read the 'making of' thread (if you haven't already) it's only 13,000 words long this time – that's a whole 4,000 words SHORTER than the Holt whopper thread! I may not have got the hang of short posts yet – but at this rate by the time I'm 100, even those who aren’t retired might possibly get the time to read them. :yes:

This is the Roller-Beast thread.

and this is the Dio thread.

Thanks for havin a ganders. :thumbsup:

Edited by Gorby
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RUN AWAY!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES IN GERMAN!!!

Great stuff Mark.  Will read the baloney  text later 
Fantastic job 

I'd genuflect and kowtow to your magnificent project but wot wiv my back giving me gyp... lol

ps It's good to see the doughboys getting their priorities right and not forgetting to take the picnic hamper! 

Edited by Walrus
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I'm not certain that the Yanks in front and on top of the Mk. 1 made a wise decision. Of course all of them running directly in front of the Beast's guns are probably regretting their career choices right about now too.

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I’ve almost stopped laughing, wiped away the tears and coughed myself into a more equable state. My goodness that was funny. And the accompanying text was, too :rofl: . Jolly well done, what!

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I'm glad you like it. :smiling:

I don't have the patience for long builds and six months was really stretching my tolerance, so and I'm soooo glad that it's over.

Next up will be a few kits I think - no idea what the next scratch project will be - hopefully something smaller than this.

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7 hours ago, Gorby said:

I'm glad you like it. :smiling:

I don't have the patience for long builds and six months was really stretching my tolerance, so and I'm soooo glad that it's over.

Next up will be a few kits I think - no idea what the next scratch project will be - hopefully something smaller than this.

lol you just cannot wait to do a 7 years ship build, you know you want to

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10 hours ago, Gorby said:

I'm glad you like it. :smiling:

I don't have the patience for long builds and six months was really stretching my tolerance, so and I'm soooo glad that it's over.

Next up will be a few kits I think - no idea what the next scratch project will be - hopefully something smaller than this.

Something for the less than a tenner gb? 

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Great work Gorbs, and the journey was mad too. I'm pretty sure the Germans in trench are waiting for the roller to finish off the Americans, then they'll wait for it to reach them

Also, my brain is asking if its now ok to come out of its bunker

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